Blog Post: Manners and Emails Revisited

Not to harp on this issue, folks, but, for heaven’s sake people need to learn some manners!  I had a woman who requested our free résumé guide, sending me her résumé, as required, as well.  She had some skills where I thought I could refer her to some folks.  I offered a meeting so I could interview her a bit and refer her to some of my associates (I won’t refer someone I haven’t personally met).  She declined a meeting and requested an on-line evaluation of her résumé, which I did and sent to her.

Apparently it didn’t “go through,” as emails sometimes do not.  So two weeks later, she wrote me a terse, verging-on-nasty note demanding that I send her the résumé evaluation.  I re-sent the eval, but this young woman made an enemy very unnecessarily.  She did so many things wrong it is hard to know where to start.

First, if someone who is a well-known businessperson offers you a face-to-face networking meeting, don’t be a putz!  Take it!  ASAP!  Dozens of people who aren’t my clients wind up employed from leads I give them each year.  It is sheer laziness or idiocy not to take an offered meeting with a known power-networker, especially if that person indicates that she or he has leads for you.  Over the years I’ve been able to help many, many people through networking and introducing them to my network.  This is how I build my knowledge base and can so rapidly help the executives I work with who are in transition.  I help people.  They often help in return.  This is Business 101.  The particular young woman in discussion shouldn’t be in business.  Perhaps she would have a good future as a woman’s prison guard or torturer at a CIA special rendition facility.  Otherwise, it is necessary to interact with other people in a friendly and gratitude filled manner.

Secondly, if someone is giving to you of their time and/or resources, you don’t demand anything!  And you certainly don’t demand it in an unfriendly or curt manner.  Rather than her terse email which started “I have yet to receive…” a very nice email would have accomplished more, although I still would peg her as an idiot for not wishing to meet in a networking meeting.  A nicer email would have been, “Dear John.  Thank you so much for agreeing to give me an on-line review of my résumé.  Unfortunately, although you’d indicated that you were going to review it and get right back to me, I haven’t received it as yet.  I’m assuming it got lost in cyberspace.  Would you be so kind as to re-send the email with the critique?  Again, thank you for your time and help.”  An email like that would have been appropriate.

The problems here are several.  First, many people believe that they’re entitled to things.  You aren’t.  I’m not.  No one is.  Even if one has paid for a service, being polite and not demanding is essential.  And emails should always be cordial and nicely worded.

Secondly, too many people undervalue time.  If someone in a position of power is gracious enough to offer time, it should be immediate taken, met with incredibly gratitude, and utilized well.  I predict that, if this young woman doesn’t clean up her act and learn to be a grown-up, she won’t get very far in business.

Older, wiser people in business have a moral and ethical obligation to hold out a hand and help the young and foolish to learn a bit in the business world.  It is a task that many of us had done for us by the then-older and wiser people in the business community.  Now it’s pay-back time.

But, while this is a moral and ethical obligation, those who are willing to mentor or help younger businesspeople also have the right to expect politeness and a bit of gratitude.  I’ve mentored many young people in my long business career, several of whom have gone on to found wonderful businesses here and elsewhere.  I’m always willing to mentor younger businesspeople who want a mentor.  But there are groundrules.  They include the protégé listening, being on time, being polite, and taking the time that a mentor is spending seriously.

If you have an opportunity to be mentored by someone who is older and wiser, don’t be a fool!  Use it for all it is worth, and take as much as your mentor is willing to give.  Be cooperative and humble.  And don’t write nasty emails.

John Heckers, MA, CPC, BCPC, has been in the Colorado Business Community for over 30 years, and working with peoples’ careers for over 25 years.  He is an executive coach, and executive transition coach in Cherry Creek, and welcomes your calls at 720.581.4301 or your emails (nice ones, of course) at jheckers@heckersdevgroup.com.  He is always willing to meet people for a coffee or other networking meeting, and would welcome your call for such.  Invite him to connect on LinkedIn, too!  I promise…no “I don’t knows.”